Chapter 28 – Sermon
「With that, well then, Carol」
「Starting right now, it is a sermon」
I have thought that it might be so. Mother is kind, but she is strict at the same time.
The actions I have taken must have been too immature.
「There are many things that I must point up, but after all, there is one thing that I definitely must take note」
「”Die by biting your tongue”, what in the world does that mean?」
Mother glared at me with a sharp gaze.
It is frightening.
However, I might have pulled Mother’s heartstrings more than that.
「Forcefully trying to have your wishes fulfilled by threatening with your own death, that is not something a lady must do. Who in the world taught you something like that?」
「……in the romance novel that I read in the past, it was written there」
「What a wicked book. Oh my……to force someone using your own death, what a foolish thing. That is only to attract the other party’s interests. Other than that, what in the world does “there is no worth on living a world where you and Wilhelm-sama are not married”?」
「……I am very sorry」
「It is not something that you can easily apologize for. Carol……by declaring that you will die by biting your tongue, it was as if that you have betrayed everyone」
Why, why am I being told something like that?
I was pushed by my emotions and said that, wanting to make Wilhelm-sama turn towards me.
But why, why did it leads to betrayal?
「Carol, you……are you saying that you are a person without any worth?」
「This, your Mother, Gilliam, Albert, all of us loves you. We love you as an individual person, that is. If you say something like that, your mother is very sad」
I have not thought of that.
I was focused on everything for my own convenience and did not see what was around me.
It is true, it is true that I appealed to Wilhelm-sama that I would die by biting off my tongue, and just tried to make my own opinion pass through.
However, using my own death to force someone, it means that,
It would lower my worth of living at the same timeーー.
「Never again you shall use your own death to force someone. That is not how a lady must act, that is only a pathetic woman’s way」
I deeply reflected on it.
I said it so lightly, but it denigrated my own worth of existence, betrayed my family, and showed a pathetic woman’s appearance.
Wilhelm-sama cannot be blamed to be angry with that kind of woman.
「Also, the reason for you to use your own death was also a problem」
「……I thought that, if it would be a nuisance to Wilhelm-sama, then……」
「Being a nuisance of someone, you can do it as long as you want」
Just like the words I have said earlier, I do not have the confidence of living my life without troubling someone else.
That is why, I would do some actions that would trouble Wilhelm-sama without a doubt.
However, as long as it is possible, I want to make it so that I would not trouble Wilhelm-sama.
However, Mother shook her head.
「When you declared your feelings towards Wilhelm-sama at the banquet, did he say that it was a nuisance?」
He was just, confused.
He said that he had never seen me with that kind of look.
「When you suddenly visited Wilhelm-sama in the order of knights, did he say that it was a nuisance?」
He was surprised at the beginning, but he took me around the order of knights.
There should have been work waiting for him, but he still took his time to use it for me.
「When you said that you wanted to have lunch together, did he say that it was a nuisance?」
He matched with me.
He seemed like he was not that positive about it, but he still promised me that we can be together and did not refuse.
「When you served him the lunch that a part of it you cooked, did he say that it was a nuisance?」
He ate all of it.
He even said his thoughts.
He said that it was delicious.
「How can you not understand, that all of those things were not anything but a nuisance towards Wilhelm-sama?」
It is true, thinking about it carefully, it is exactly like Mother says.
I suddenly confessed my feelings to him in front of the public, and kissed his cheek without warning.
Although it was during his work, he still took the time to guide me in the order of knights.
The lunch that he said that he does not usually take, he took it because of my selfishness.
Each of them, they might not have been a nuisance to Wilhelm-sama.
「……but, Wilhelm-sama, is」
「It is a child’s right to give trouble to other people. And it is an adult’s obligation to be inconvenienced. Wilhelm-sama is an adult, and Carol is a child. That is why, Wilhelm-sama would accept everything of Carol」
Thinking of that, I can only think that all of my actions lead to being a nuisance towards Wilhelm-sama.
It is not like I want to trouble Wilhelm-sama.
「I will say this again. You can trouble him as much as you want」
「However, you must not let him worry about you」
I held my breath and raised my face.
There is Mother there kindly smiling together with those strict words.
Being a nuisance and being a worry.
They seem similar but completely different.
「Carol. At times when you are really in danger, Wilhelm-sama would save you without anything in return. Just like the time when he thought that Natalia was attacking you」
「W-Why do you know……」
「Natalia is your personal maid, but I receive all of the reports from her」
I remembered about crying because of my misunderstanding, about making Wilhelm-sama worry.
That is rightーーhe was worried.
At that time, Wilhelm-sama worried about me.
「Have you understood? Wilhelm-sama should have been very surprised. And, he actively protected Carol right? At the time when you are really in danger, Wilhelm-sama will come and save you」
「Well then, if it is Carol herself who would bring her danger, how will Wilhelm-sama save you?」
I will die by biting my tongueーーI, said that.
Those were words that would take Wilhelm-sama’s interest and make him worry.
More than being a nuisance, it is a more, sinfulーー.
「How……how will I be able, to atone?」
I do not have the time to despair about being refused by Wilhelm-sama.
I, I understood how sinful I am.
If so, I can only take action.
「It is simple」
However, Mother, in the end, she said the same thing.
「Become a good woman」
As I have thought, it is too vague that I cannot understand very well.