Chapter 27 – Awakening
Mother embraced me while I screamed crying, sobbed, and until it changed to weeping.
It took a very long time until I calmed down to be able to think “what am I doing at the entrance”. It is embarrassing as a lady.
However, my heart could not hold it in.
「Have you calmed down, Carol」
「……e, ghu. Yes, Mother」
「Well then, let us enter inside. I will hear about it inside」
I entered the mansion and was taken to the second floorーーto Mother’s room.
There are not many times, that I was able to enter this room. It is because, normally, it is enough to report to Mother in the dining hall. And if Mother needs anything, she will come to my room. Mother, she is aggressive.
I sat on the sofa in Mother’s room, and started to explain to Mother what happened while I suppress my sobs that would not stop.
I am very sure, the explanation that stopped from time to time was difficult for Mother to listen to.
However, it is impossible for me to explain it smoothly right now.
Instead, my tears started to flow again when I explained about it from the start.
About Wilhelm-sama having diverse duties and do not know when he is going to die.
About Wilhelm-sama telling me that he is a person who cannot take care of his family.
About Wilhelm-sama telling me that I should find a better person and create a family instead.
About Wilhelm-samaーーrejecting me, telling me to “go home” the instant I said that I will die by biting my tongue.
Mother silently listened to my explanation until I finished.
And, together with the end of my words.
「There is no mistake, with Carol’s words earlier」
「Yes. There is no mistake. I have heard about it with them」
For some reason, she confirmed it to Natalia.
I think that, it is because there are parts where I was confused. But even so, it is not like I would falsify a report to Mother.
「Please do not feel bad, Carol. I just wanted to hear an objective opinion. Your mother will believe something blindly, just by hearing one side’s words」
「I understand, Mother」
I nodded back. Mother is a careful person.
That is why, she asked about Natalia’s opinion as well, not just my opinion. After all, the things called words that a person concerned can hear and a person from an objective perspective can hear might be different.
「Carol, stop crying already」
Mother commanded that seeing my tears that were about to fall.
However, I cannot hold it back.
I am a weak woman. I cannot do anything but to cry.
「I shall tell you something good. Women who cry when something bad happens are third-class」
That is, because.
I am, a weak, human.
「You longed for Wilhelm-sama and got rejected. And so what?」
「From the start, Carol, did you really thought that you will be married with Wilhelm-sama without any obstacles?」
I thought so.
I believed that if I long for Wilhelm-sama, and as long as Wilhelm-sama answers to the, my relationship with Wilhelm-sama will be unchanging.
My parents also agree.
The King has also approved.
And with that, my feelings will certainly be.
「Are you saying, it is wrong……?」
「Yes. Marriage is not something that simple. There are those who get married with mutual love, and there are those who do not accept it, no matter how much passion the other party has. There are also many marriages without love. There is no way, that there would be no obstacles」
「Then, what should I……」
「It is simple. You only need to become a first-class woman」
「……Mother, what kind of woman, do you describe as first class? Are women who can accept anything and let it pass, although it is a harsh thing, a first class woman……?」
I asked, but Mother shook her head.
Was it wrong?
「Women who can let harsh things pass easily are, second-class」
「Is that, so……?」
「Letting things pass means that, they are only running away from that. They are just acting that they cannot see it. They are better than women who cries and weeps to sadness, but nothing more」
If so, what kind of woman, is a first-class?
A first-class woman for me, is Mother.
Well then, just like Mother, towards harsh thingsーー.
「Women who can endure harsh things, accepting them head-on with gritting teeth, are first class」
「No matter how hard it is, you need the courage to face it. You must not run away. Carol. You were refused by Wilhelm-sama. That is bitter and sad. However, you must not run away from that」
For example, to Zack’s kindness.
For example, to the House’s coziness.
For example, to Mother’s warmth.
I must not, run away.
「……but, I am」
「That is your bad habit」
「You must not repeat “buts”. Who are you saying your excuses for? Who are you asking permission, to chase after him with those feelings of yours and yours only? There is no one who can fulfill what your feelings are other than yourself. If you have time for saying excuses, go and take action」
Mother’s words, it was as if they pierced me.
I am always saying “but” and say excuses.
Who am I saying that for? My actions, no one would obstruct it other than me.
「What is it, Carol」
「Am I……a nuisance, to Wilhelm-sama……?」
Wilhelm-sama has said that he does not need a wife because he is a person who cannot take care of his family.
My feelings of longing for Wilhelm-sama from now on, it is nothing but a nuisance for Wilhelm-sama.
And if I became a nuisance to him, I have no worth of livingーー.
「Are you confident that you are going to live your life from now on, without troubling anyone?」
My heart, it trembled.
Such thing, it is impossible.
A person that lived without becoming a nuisance to someone else does not exist.
「Your life from now on, be it for small things or big things, you will be troubling someone else」
「What is wrong then, being a nuisance to your partner that you are thinking of living the rest of your life with? Love is a troublesome thing. It is nothing but an imposition of one’s own emotions」
It is exactly as Mother says.
I have lacked, resolution and everything.
But if so, what should I do from now on?
「Mother……what should I do……from now on?」
「Your mother shall teach you」
“Fufu”, Mother smiled.
That was a smile like a Goddess’s, one that is full of kindness. A sun-like existence that shines upon my path.
「Become a good woman」
「……a good, woman?」
It is too vague, that I cannot understand.
However, if Mother says so, then it is probably true.
「Yes. A good woman that, he would think of as happiness not nuisance, even if you impose your love and passion on him. A good woman that would get him intoxicated. A good woman that……will make him feel pleasure just by talking to you. If so, even Wilhelm-sama can only think of Carol」
It is too vague, that I cannot understand very well.
However, the aim is decided.
I, Carol Ambrose, 16 years old.
I will do my best to become a good woman.